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Post by I*C*E*Y on May 15, 2012 16:54:56 GMT -5
Bluewind didn't move.
For once in her lifetime, the skies were clear, and it was a beautifully starry night. The warm wind tickled the grass, causing a ripple to cascade through the openland. Normally a picturesque scene like this wouldn't appear in RiverClan, mostly WindClan, but Bluewind was just happy she could experience it herself.
Aurora Falls was heaven on earth. Everything was pretty, the rocks shone like tiny sprinkles of glitter as the roar of the waterfall soothed the achingly soft air around it. How she could just lie there, forever, but the water was beckoning. Without making any harsh movements, she slid deftly into the water, her fur expanding and her wide paws propelling her through the neutral acid.
After a few minutes of swimming to clear her very confused head, Bluewind pulled herself out, shook herself, and licked herself dry as best she could. Within a few minutes, her fur was air-drying, and she trotted behind the waterfall into the cool cave.
Now, finally, for some time to think, she thought, as she closed her aquamarine eyes briefly.
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Post by shiningheart on May 15, 2012 17:30:08 GMT -5
There were times, late at night, where the past caught up with Ripplestream in his dreams. He'd toss and turn in his nest, hissing and snarling at invisible enemies. He's dream that Mistypaw cursed him with her final dying breath as the fox that killed her ripped her to shreds. He dreamed of Blackheart, his former mentor, giving up on him and saying he'd be better off as a kittypet. He dreamed of Pebblestripe, calling him worthless and saying he wasn't his son.
Worst of all, he dreamed of Tenderpaw. The dreams of her he always dreaded. She was the only one of his nightmares that wasn't angry with him. She didn't curse at him, spit at him, or insult him at all. In some ways, he'd have preferred it. In some ways, he would have loved if Tenderpaw hated him.
Because each time he woke up from one of her dreams, he'd hate himself. She wouldn't scream, she'd cry. She wouldn't yell, she'd whisper. And the thing she whispered broke him more than he'd ever admit. "Why, Ripplestream? Why are you betraying me? Don't you love me anymore?" And then an image of Bluewind would appear behind him, and he'd look back and forth between his former love and, admittedly, his current one. He'd look at Tenderpaw, his past, and Bluewind, his (hopefully) future.
And then he'd wake up, and he'd be crying. This had been one of those nights, and so the RiverClan deputy found himself wandering around his territory, lost in thought. He found himself by Aurora Falls be the time he came back to himself. He heard the splash of a swimming creature, and curiosity overcame him. Ripplestream stuck his head through the closest bush and watched Bluewind as she swam. He didn't say anything or move, worried that if he drew attention to himself that she'd leave.
Ripplestream watched as she moved gracefully in the water. She really was a beautiful she-cat, wasn't she? He felt his expression soften as she crawled out of the water and lay peacefully on her side, breathing softly. He took that moment to step fully out of his observing (read: hiding) spot and meowed softly, "Hey, Bluewind. Can we talk?"
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Post by I*C*E*Y on May 15, 2012 19:24:44 GMT -5
Bluewind's eyes flew open. "Ripplestream?" She heard herself ask stupidly. Her mouth dropped slightly. "Is everything okay? Is RiverClan under attack? Why aren't you panicking? Is everyone okay? Are you okay? Are you hurt? Do I need to go find a medicine cat? You look like you're hurting."
Mentally, she wanted to smack herself a hundred times over for her random babble of words. Ripplestream's presence was simply intoxicating- it was something she found herself longing to be closer to, but she wouldn't dare. Especially not after her spout of evil past had come through her lips.
She stood up, looking quizzically at him. "Is there something wrong? You also look like you need to talk to somebody."
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Post by shiningheart on May 15, 2012 20:09:05 GMT -5
His lips twitched into a smirk as he realized that he'd startled her. He was about to answer her first question when she fired off more. Ripplestream closed his mouth as she just kept going and going and going. His amusement grew with each question she asked until he was biting the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. "I'm guessing that means, 'Sure, Ripplestream, sit on down and let's chat!'". he meowed with a snicker.
Ripplestream padded forward until he was at her side and, hesitating slightly, plopped down a mere tail-length away from her side. He took a moment to put his thoughts in order, and think over what he wanted to say. He took a deep, soothing breath and meowed out, "Bluewind... We've gotten pretty close over the past few moons, haven't we." It wasn't a question as much as it was a statement of fact. He wasn't asking if they were close, he was merely stating the obvious.
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Post by I*C*E*Y on May 15, 2012 20:25:06 GMT -5
Bluewind felt her face flush. It felt as though a fire was scorching her cheeks. "Yes. Yes, that's what it means." She laughed nervously, trying to hide her embarassment. "I'm sorry. I ramble a lot. Most cats think it's annoying. Especially Rainpetal."
She felt her eyes widen dramatically when the tom of her dreams sat down a mere tail-length away. "Bluewind..." He said. "We've gotten pretty close in these past few moons, haven't we?" His words echoed in her ears, and she was so surprised she hesitated in replying.
"Of course we have, Ripplestream." The tiny she-cat spoke softly, frowning slightly at him. "Are you sure everything's alright? Did I do something wrong? Or," she paused, looking thoughtful, "Did Rainpetal and Flarespark do something they weren't supposed to do in public?"
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Post by shiningheart on May 15, 2012 20:34:32 GMT -5
If Ripplestream had been eating when Bluewind finished speaking, he'd have choked. As it was, he'd started choking on his spit. He used a paw to hit his chest in an attempt to clear his airways and, once they were indeed clear, started laughing. Loudly. He shook his head and forcefully made himself slow down enough to respond. "Trust me, if I caught them doing that, I wouldn't be here. I'd be somewhere far, far away, trying to gouge my eyes out in an attempt to erase the images from my brain."
The deputy took a deep breath to settle himself down even more and finally calmed down. "No, no, this has nothing to do with them. The reason I'm here..." he hesitated some more before looking elsewhere, too embarrassed to look Bluewind in the face. "I just... I wanted to talk... about..." He was going to say us. He really was going to. But one glance at her made him chicken out, and he instead said, "Well, I've been having nightmares lately."
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Post by I*C*E*Y on May 15, 2012 20:52:06 GMT -5
Bluewind smiled nervously again as Ripplestream started laughing. Oh, StarClan, he thinks I'm funny... Way to go, Bluewind! She cheered for herself silently. As it was, Rainpetal had always been the funnier of the two- her sharp wit, and her sarcastic sense of humor that allowed anyone to laugh no matter what she said.
But Bluewind prided herself in being kind and gentle, and defiant when needed. SHe didn't like to be spunky, as Rainpetal called herself, but she preferred to be quirky. She knew what she loved.
And one of those things was Ripplestream's laugh.
As he grew more serious, the light from her eyes faded, and when he spoke of her most hated word, she frowned, her eyes immediately sketching his face in her mind. "What kind of nightmares?" She asked softly. "Like the kind I got with the aftermath of leaving Shard?"
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Post by shiningheart on May 15, 2012 22:14:06 GMT -5
Immediately, Ripplestream shook his head and looked back at Bluewind sadly. "No, no, nothing like that. But..." He looked up at the sky then, and saw all the stars. He wondered, as he did each time he saw the diamond sky, which glittering star was his sister. He chose one of the stars at random and fixed his green eyes on it.
Ripplestream drew strength from the stars and meowed slowly, "I dream... Well, I dream about my family. I remember how careless my mentor was, how callous my father was, how caring my sister was, and how..." This was the hard part. He felt his throat close up as he tried to speak, and it took a little while until he finally choked out, "And how beautiful Tenderpaw was."
He kept his face turned upward, afraid of looking at Bluewind in case he'd lose his nerve again. "I don't know if you were with the Clan when she died. I can't remember much of anything at that time. Well, maybe the word can't isn't really correct. It's more like I suppress those memories. I don't want to remember them, so I don't."
Ripplestream closed his eyes, cutting off his own vision of the stars. A new vision, a mental one, painted itself behind his lids. Unknown to himself, he was describing her aloud. "Her eyes were a dark amber color that, despite how dark it really was, had nothing but warmth and joy in them. Her pelt... She was a calico. Mostly white with brown and ginger markings here and there." He chuckled to himself and mused, "She had this one patch right on her side. She made the most adorable squeaking noise whenever you poked it."
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Post by I*C*E*Y on May 16, 2012 15:05:43 GMT -5
Unbeknownst to Bluewind, her blue orbs flickered slightly with remorse for Ripplestream, pain (mostly sadness for the loss of what could've been a great warrior) and an odd sensation brewing in the pit of her stomach. Oh, he's opening up to me? She thought in amazement.
"I can't remember much of anything at that time. Well, maybe the word can't isn't really correct. It's more like I suppress those memories. I don't want to remember them, so I don't." Ripplestream meowed, and Bluewind felt her heart contract. Poor Ripplestream. She thought.
As Ripplestream began to describe Tenderpaw, Bluewind searched her memory for the sound of the name in any of her early moons as a new RiverClan apprentice. Apart from getting her butt whooped numerous times at swimming by Rainpaw, but beating her at fighting and going to her first Gathering, she couldn't remember anything.
But if she searched closely enough, she found that in one of her deepest night chats with Rainpetal that had happened in the apprentices' den, an older she-cat apprentice was asleep in the next nest.
When Bluewind tuned back in, Ripplestream was chuckling to himself. "Sounds like you loved her," She commented, not looking at him. "I think I remember her. A brown tabby with white paws, correct?"
But all she could do was feel her heart slowly break. I'll never compare to Tenderpaw. She made him laugh. I'm so emotionally screwed up he wouldn't even look my way.
And then her thoughts raced again: Dear StarClan, he's in love with a dead cat!
"Memories have a funny way of screwing us over." Bluewind let out a light chuckle. "They can make us laugh, make us cry, make us angry, make us love. In all honesty, you can't forget your memories. Some fade, but most of the time they're there because whether or not you subconsciously know it, you need them. You may not know when, but you will. Believe me. But pushing our memories away isn't the way to forget, though." She dug into her own personal thoughts and feelings on the matter to give him advice. "Let yourself feel, Ripplestream.If you surpress your memories, it's like telling your brain to store them for later, and if you keep storing them, they'll never be gone forever. I'm not saying you should forget Tenderpaw, heavens no, but you have to forgive yourself and stop hurting yourself with your memories. You're the only cat who can save you."
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Post by shiningheart on May 18, 2012 15:59:13 GMT -5
He chuckled to himself, almost bitterly, and shook his head. "Trust me, Bluewind. The last thing I want is to forget Tenderpaw entirely. She was such an important piece of my life back then... I'd wake up and either see her sleeping next to me or already gone, and the days that I overslept she came to wake me up."
Ripplestream wondered exactly how to say what he wanted to say, and pretty much just decided to wing it. It was more of Flarespark's specialty than his, but he could do it when it needed to be done. "The thing is, though, that the dreams I have of her make me hate myself. She always has this broken and betrayed look on her face. It never fails, Bluewind! Every single time I dream of her, she asks if I don't love her anymore. And ever single time I wake up, I hate that I let her get killed. I hate that I only ever think of her at night, when no one is around. I hate that... that..."
'Come on, buddy, you've already come this far! Don't chicken out now!' A voice in his head spoke to him, and it sounded suspiciously like Flarespark. 'Oh, wonderful, now the idiot is inside my head.' Ripplestream thought sarcastically.
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Post by I*C*E*Y on May 18, 2012 20:41:01 GMT -5
Bluewind raised her furry eyebrows. "She loved you. It's as simple as that." With a swish of her tail, she trotted towards the edge of the waterfall's pool. Her eyes searched the pool, and then her paw flashed out, a fish came up with the sprout of water, and within seconds, she stuck her claw in and it died. "Cats do tiny things that make the biggest difference when they're in love."
She used her nose and nudged the fish towards Ripplestream. "I'll share this with you. Sometimes comfort is the easiest source of relief."
When Ripplestream meowed of his dreams, Bluewind felt her heart constrict even more. "You can't hate yourself. StarClan has a plan for each one of us. Maybe Tenderpaw's destiny was to love you, and in her doing so, taught you how to love." She paused. "When I first arrived here, I saw you. You were dark and brooding, and I wanted to know why. Rainpetal told me what happened, of course, she didn't know all the details. Your father was cruel and unrelenting. But you still loved him, somewhere in your heart. As he continued to mistreat you, that love distingrated. And when Tenderpaw loved you, you learned to love. Ripplestream, it's obvious. Tenderpaw gave you love."
"And of all things, she asks if you don't love her anymore?" Her eyes narrowed. "Why would she ask that? Of course you do. Even me, your friend, can see that." Her own mind wandered back to Shard, Coldstripe, and Stream- no. "What do you hate, Ripplestream?" She asked softly.
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Post by shiningheart on May 19, 2012 20:28:52 GMT -5
His eyes, his expression, his entire body, softened to the point where he felt like a puddle of good. Every word Bluewind spoke echoed in his mind until he knew them to be true. Tenderpaw was meant to die, just as he was meant to survive. He shouldn't wonder about the what-ifs or the maybes, because all that was doing was torturing him. All he was doing by asking himself those types of questions was leaving more scars on his heart than on his pelt.
Ripplestream unconsciously bent forward to take a minuscule bite of the fish that Bluewind had caught. He was lucky it was newleaf, or else he'd have felt guilty about eating without taking back to camp. He had to pause when Bluewind asked what he hated, and he had to actually think about it. There were a lot of things he hated, actually. One of them was when Flarespark acted all cocky and like he was better than everyone else, even if it was only an act. Then there was when Flarespark chewed with his mouth open. Those annoying 'chomp chomp chomp' noises always made his eye twitch.
His tail twitched at the mere thought of the cat he reluctantly called his best friend and meowed dryly, "When Flarespark acts like an ass. I just want to clobber him at those times, ya know?" It probably wasn't the kind of hate she was referring to, but it was the best he could do at the time.
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Post by I*C*E*Y on May 19, 2012 22:14:52 GMT -5
Bluewind blinked at him. "That's not what you were originally referring to," She meowed. "But I'm not going to ask, because in your own time, you'll tell me. I'm sure of it."
When he took a bite of the prey, she couldn't help but be pleased with herself. But he's eating it at midnight, won't his stomach be upset later? She thought. Dear StarClan, why did I wonder about that?
Finally, she spoke, mentally trying to forget about her own questions in life. "So why does Flarespark bother you so much?" She paused briefly. "And why are we even talking about him?"
The tiny she-cat cocked her head, her eyes suddenly focused on the stars above them. "Gosh, I wonder what it's like to be like them," She wondered aloud. "Is it like flying? Or dreaming? Or somewhere in between?"
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Post by shiningheart on May 22, 2012 17:25:55 GMT -5
Ripplestream laughed, a low rumble that started in his chest and slowly became louder until he tipped his head back and laughed out loud. "Hey, you're the one who asked me what I hated. Don't blame me because you didn't specify." he teased, flicking her with his tail. Somehow, during his laughing fit, he'd closed the distance between them until he was only a single tail-length away.
He rolled onto his back, both so he could look at the sky too and to inadvertently get closer to Bluewind. "Probably a little of both. They can come down and walk among us, but only those with a special connection with either StarClan or that specific spirit could see. Like, whenever I'm panicking, I smell Mistypaw and could swear she's telling me to calm down."
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Post by I*C*E*Y on May 22, 2012 18:56:05 GMT -5
The blue-gray she-cat let out a purr of light amusement as Ripplestream chatted about Flarespark. "Sorry. I'll be sure to specify next time."
Bluewind closed her eyes, allowing them to flutter briefly. "Every time I see StarClan, I see my mother." She swallowed hard. "It's always the same. She's looking at me, but not at me. It's like she's looking through me. There's this look of... utter desperation in her eyes, like she's expecting me to do something she can't do herself. And then, every time she starts to open her mouth, I feel like I'm drowning, and then I wake up." Her tail flicked Ripplestream's side quickly, unintentionally. "Whenever I want peace, I see her. But then the peace becomes anger, and then it's gone, replaced with a feeling of abandonment."
She frowned slightly, deep in thought. "Have you ever had that feeling where you just have this... this... need to get closer to somebody?"
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